i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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