we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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