sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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