I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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