I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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