Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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