So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
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You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize