i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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