I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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