I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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