The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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