I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
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I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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