the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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