I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize