tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize