im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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Alive.
So much puke
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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