fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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