My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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