census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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