You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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