I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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