He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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