You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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