I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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