You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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