No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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