im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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