Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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