tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
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