In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize