I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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