So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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