So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
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best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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