Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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