dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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