Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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