sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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