i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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