what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize