Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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