Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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