you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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