when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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