I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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