Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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