Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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