My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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