last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize