Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize