remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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